Scapegoating: Why am I Surrounded by Narcissists, Egomaniacs & Manipulators?

Mar 26, 2021

Have you ever looked back on your life and seen that, while relationships or circumstances fall apart, the same type of person or situation keeps entering your orbit? Flaky, unappreciative people, unhealthy work environments, heartbreak, dishonesty, miscommunication, the list can go on and on. This cycle can be tricky to identify in the moment, but after a while it becomes exhausting. Your boss at work, best friend from college, family members, co-workers and even the barista at your favorite coffee shop, everything and everyone seems to be self-centered, unsupportive, stressful, uncooperative and lacking empathy. 

This is why we’re entitled to our frustrations, anxiety and overwhelm. After all, these people are narcissistic, egomaniacs and manipulators who create unhealthy environments that we’re forced to be in. The stress they cause leads to bitterness, frustration or even just consistent whispers of annoyance. We have to talk about this with our friends, family and colleagues just so it doesn’t fester and grow inside of us. “Yes, venting is healthy,” we tell ourselves.  “After all, these are the people and circumstances that cause our anxiety and pain. If they would just go away, life would be just fine…” or would it?

Let’s rethink this for a moment, identifying the blind spots in this cycle. In order to grow, we must take the needle off our broken records. This might sound all too familiar, yet it’s a block that many of us face regularly; it’s called “scapegoating.” By definition, a scapegoat is “a person who is blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of others, especially for reasons of expediency.” Let’s face it, it’s much easier to point the finger at everyone and everything else around us rather than look at ourselves. However, this exists in a limiting paradigm of blame rather than one of responsibility. If our end goal is to easily vibrate into our ideal spaces, creating the reality we desire with no resistance, then what is the first step in shifting into a new paradigm of power? Simple, we have to grow up.

The famous poet, Maya Angelou once said, “I am convinced that most people do not grow up. We find parking spaces and honor our credit cards. We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old… We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do.”

Growing up means taking responsibility for ourselves, our lives, our choices, our boundaries, our environments, energy and trajectory. Blame cannot exist where accountability lives. Once you step into the new paradigm, you stand firm in your power, knowing you can easily place the mantle of responsibility on your shoulders without it feeling heavy or burdensome. When we shift our perspective and reprogram our limiting beliefs, what was once “too much” becomes weightless, requiring no heavy lifting. This is yet another glorious example of the power of ease!

Where you once felt “stuck” at your job now becomes an opportunity to set boundaries and discuss the raise you’ve been desiring in the spirit of cooperation through value exchange. If it leads to a closed door, the universe is creating space for what you truly desire to enter your life! You have the choice to take responsibility for your perspective, communication, attitude and environment, rather than complaining about a perceived “helpless” situation. This can be extrapolated into every area of our lives; relationships, friendships, food, fitness, finances, or mental health. If you’re still living in a paradigm of blame, you might be stuck in a state of unaccounted immaturity.

This is the part that can be triggering to some. You might be asking, “So, are you victim shaming? Are really saying there are no unhealthy, low vibrating individuals who manipulate or exert control over others?” Most certainly there are! Polarity shows us there are low vibrations of every type around us; there always will be. However, because we are in control of where we place our focus, we don’t have to become a victim of them.

Victimhood asserts that we are not responsible for our vibrational state of being, not creating our own experience and are unwilling casualties of circumstance. This is why we can so easily be reactive rather than proactive. While there are plenty of ideologies in the world that will reinforce the victim story back to you over and over again, we ultimately have the choice in each moment to look outside of ourselves, placing blame on anything or anyone around us, or choose to make a different choice, breaking the loop by taking responsibility for our lives once and for all.

Remember, you are the author of your story, the CEO of your own life and nobody gets to promote you but you! Sitting around your own "board room" and pointing the finger, blaming and wondering why everything is so hard while nothing moves forward is instantly fixable! The solution lies in tossing out the program of blame, and replacing it with the program of responsibility. So finally give yourself permission to step into your full power as the CEO of your life and stop paying attention to what anyone else around you is doing because, frankly, it’s none of your business. Your business, as CEO, is you!

As you move into this new power, make a commitment to recognize when you are scapegoating, and resolve to shift into personal accountability instead. Visualize this new responsibility providing freedom rather than weight. Visualize yourself making decisions that the universe moves mountains to make happen. There is no more room for scapegoating and finger pointing in this new paradigm of power! So, have the courage to become expansive, walk right up to your discomfort zone and cross the threshold by taking your seat as executive to start making decisions that align with your purpose. I promise…you are so worth it!

By: Dewey Taylor

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